4 Simple Ways of protecting your marriage from an affair
With so many celebs heading to Splitsville — and for reasons of a third party being involved — divorce is on everyone’s mind. So here is what you can do to prevent your partner from cheating.
Remember Chrissy Teigen’s advice (only half-joking, we bet) to never hire a hot nanny? Surely there’s a more graceful tack to take than surrounding your family with, um, unattractive babysitters?
What can you actually do to lower the odds that you or your man will cheat? We asked Paul Hokemeyer, JD, PhD, a licensed marriage and family therapist who works out of New York City, Los Angeles, and Telluride, Colorado, to share his best tips for “affair-proofing” a marriage.
No surprise, it IS less about avoiding other (hot) people — and a LOT more about strengthening the bond you and your partner already have.
Here, four things we all should be doing to stay happy forever after.
1. Share a good laugh. “Humor and laughter are incredibly healing,” explains Hokemeyer. “They’re also wonderful in helping couples work through difficult times and disagreements.” But don’t rely on YouTube cat videos to crack up — it’s important it comes from the two of you. In fact, one study found that how much a woman laughs indicates how solid her relationship is.
2. Don’t eye-roll. Research shows that doing so after your partner speaks is a BIG predictor of divorce. You should treat each other as equals — not as lackeys or as rambunctious pets who only occasionally get taken off the leash. “Treat your partner with dignity and respect,” Hokemeyer says. A little “Hey, thanks for emptying the dishwasher” goes a LONG way.
3. Know the mission of your marriage. Forget the lovey-dovey stuff for a moment. Instead, “look at your marriage as the most important investment in your portfolio,” says Hokemeyer. “Make sure you have a shared vision of what your marriage stands for and what purpose it serves in your life.” Some couples find that periodically sitting down and reviewing their marriage — yes, just like your dentist does your teeth — keeps everything from childcare to finances running more smoothly.
4. Spend more time in the bedroom. It’s easy to let your sex life dwindle when you’ve been together for a while. (Not to mention after a baby or two arrives.) But, Hokemeyer advises, “don’t allow the demands and stresses of life [to] rob your relationship of the connective force of sex. Look at sex as the grease that will keep [your marriage] functioning beautifully for decades.”
And in case you were wondering — because we KNOW you were — you and your man should aim to get busy at least once a week. That should keep you both from noticing the attractiveness of any hired help!