If you are about to get married or recently got married, I would like to say congrats and welcome you and your spouse to a whole new world, a whole new life. Do you know why? Newlyweds are like fresh students who just got admission into a university. At first, you feel so happy that you have gotten the admission and that you have arrived. But when the courses starts, the assignments, seminars e.t.c, you then tend to dislike the university and can’t wait to graduate. The same applies to marriage.
The journey of marital life can be very rosy as partners are bound to make mistakes even if they’ve made commitment to each other till death on the altar. Understanding these mistakes made by newlyweds will afford you the opportunity of avoiding them if you plan on getting married soon. Trust me, marriage is the best union ever because it is based on trust, tolerance, understanding, sacrifice and God. Below are some avoidable mistakes made by newlyweds and tips on how to overcome them.
1. Failing to Plan for Life after Wedding
Most couples get carried away by the wedding plans, the wedding proper and other events attached to the wedding that they forget that all these ends in just one day. Some even put all their resources for the wedding forgetting that marital life starts after the wedding fun. After the wedding, you have to live together, tolerate each other and plan your family. Couples should always plan for life after the wedding even before the wedding because couples that fail to plan, plan to fail. Though make your wedding a memorable one but do not put all your resources for the wedding.
2. Not Understanding what Marriage is
Some couples do not understand what marriage is all about and just walk into it as If to think that marriage is a bed of roses or an avenue to enjoy each other. Marriage is far from it. Though, there would be times for enjoyment but there are also hard times which couples have to undergo. Many couples rush into marriage and later rush out from it. The ability of couples to be able to overcome hard times and challenges are what helps in solidifying marital relationship. Before you jump into marriage, seek advice from parents, priest, pastors, or an expert as the case may be to better understand the kind of life you are about to get into.
3. Trying to Change your Spouse
This is one of the biggest mistakes made by couples as they think marriage will automatically change the character of a spouse. Change is something that is constant and it takes time to happen. You married him or her because of love, so give that love a chance to reign in the marriage. Love is sacrifice. Accept the way your spouse is and give him or her room for improvement. Change is never automatic as trying to change the character of your spouse immediately may hurt his or her feelings and cause damage to your marriage.
4. Rushing into Making or Having Children
Children are beautiful gifts from God and having children shows the fruitfulness of the marriage. The problem here is that most couples just rush into having children without giving themselves enough time to be married to each other. Enjoy and spoil yourselves for a while and plan for children because when they come, focus and attention is being shifted from your spouse to your children. They become priority which you cannot hide from. So, have fun with yourselves and decide together when it’s best to have children.
5. Not Being on the Same Page with your In-laws
As with most African homes, not getting along with your in-laws before and after the wedding might send the wrong message to the family of the bride or groom. If the damage has been done, be the first to extend the hands of peace because the only person who gets all the insults and blame is your spouse, who might be caught off in the middle.
6. Acting like You are Still Single
As soon as you were pronounced husband and wife at the altar, that signaled the end of being both a bachelor and a spinster. The parties, hanging out with friends and all sorts that happened when you were single should either be minimized or stopped as you now have a responsibility to one another. As a married person, there are behaviours that should be dropped which are no longer appropriate. Always put your spouse first before anything. Learn to do what is right so as to take your marriage to greater heights.
7. Avoiding important discussions
No matter how couples try to run or meander their way from important issues, they just can’t shy away from them. Subjects like how to handle money, when to have children, planning for the children’s future and how to prepare for the unthinkable, i.e death e.t.c are paramount. All these and more are what shapes a marriage and should be dealt with. Discuss these issues with your spouse and seek advice if the issue requires you too.
8. Allowing Pride into the Relationship
Not all arguments can be won by husband or wife and taking responsibility and blame for a mistake, shows sign of maturity. Remember, pride is something that is in each human but the ability to let go is key to a successful marriage. Let the husband not say “since I am the man of the house, I will not do these or that” or the wife “since I am the wife, he should provide this or that”. Pride has destroyed many marital relationships. You must allow yourself to get softer and take responsibility for your actions.
9. Making lone decisions without consulting your spouse
Most couples forget that two heads are better than one when it comes to decision making. Maybe when you were single, you had the opportunity of making certain decisions like where to go after work, where to spend your vacation, how to spend your money and so on. Now you are married, those decisions are not for you alone to make. Taking decisions alone can put asunder in a marriage as these decisions also affect the spouse. It is best you take decisions together to have better understanding on how to go about a particular issue.
There are many more mistakes but I tried to highlight the major ones. Marriage is an institution that takes time to perfect itself and as I said earlier needs tolerance, understanding, sacrifice and God. Letting resentment build, denying your partner sex, being insensitive to your spouse’s feelings and not giving each other space are also mistakes one should avoid in building a successful marital life.
BY Chizoba Ikenwa
9 Mistakes Singles and Newly-Weds Need To Avoid!
Reviewed by James chibueze