How To Know If You’re Dating A Former L*sbian

During one of our recent editorial meetings, we started talking about Chirlane McCray, the wife of New York City Mayor Bill de Blasio, who for years identified as a l*sbian, and began wondering why she switched teams.
This discussion led to one of the First to Know editors mentioning having two friends who had been l*sbians for years, but who were now in serious relationships with men. Not only did this spur the other editors and writers to talk about women they know who have done the same thing (we named these ladies “hasbians,” by the way), we soon realized that more and more women who were once in same-gender relationships at one point in their lives are now jumping back over the proverbial fence to straight town.
We have no idea why there are so many former l*sbians, it’s just something we’ve noticed. And while this doesn’t seem to be an issue for the straight man in these relationships (does he really think he’s got the skills to eventually get two women at once?), we thought it would be fun to give guys a list of clues to help them figure out whether or not the woman they’re with used to be a l*sbian.
Yes, we had some l*sbians and hasbians help us out with this list. And, no, it’s not a scientific study — this is just for fun. But you never know: For some men, it could prove very insightful.
  1. You may even pick up on the lesbian vibe by the way she carries herself with confidence or the tone of her rough, manly voice. According to Dell Richards’ book L*sbian Lists published in 1990, you can tell a woman is a lesbian by the “firmness to her walk, a long step, and a rather heavy timbre to her voice.”
  2. She has the naked photo shoot Sports Illustrated did of Abby Wambach hanging near her nightstand in the bedroom.
  3. Her fingernails. Yes, it’s the oldest trick in the book, and it may not always be accurate, but short fingernails are like a secret code.
  4. Sometimes she goes off on rants about how much she used to despise men.
  5. Every year she goes to visit some friend named “The Dinah” in Palm Springs but she never lets you tag along and won’t ever introduce you to her, either.
  6. She has a “best friend” who she always makes out with when she’s a little tipsy.
  7. Before you go down on her for the first time, she asks you if you could possibly navigate the female anatomy as skillfully as a woman.
  8. You probably caught on that she used to date women when she told you that you were the one who finally broke her “gold star.”
  9. She only gets turned on when watching girl-on-girl p*rn.
  10. She tends to have more girl-on-girl fantasies than you do.

No comments:

Powered by Blogger.